Anxious To Please, a book of transformation

Therapist James Rapson and actor/writer Craig English, friends since 3rd grade, have written Anxious To Please. It was originally called Manhood: The Transformation of the Nice Guy, and that pretty well describes it. The book isn't out yet, so I'm going to plug their website a little.

Anxious To Please talks compassionately about the particularly unforgiving self-imprisonment of Nice Guys, and the 6-step model for Transforming into one's whole authentic self. They invite Q & A's, so ask away. They are currently expanding the book to also address Nice Girls, whose situations are similar but with some important differences.

I have worked with Jim, and find his understanding & practice of transformation profound.

"The process of change for every person is unique, following an enigmatic path toward greater depth and awareness."

-- Jim Rapson

Craig and James

I liked on their site:

- this essay on Manhood (on a linked site); good overview
- this Q&A on Fighting
- these related quotes, "Words from the Wise"

They have some Nice Guys workshops, and Jim also runs an ongoing group for New Dads. More contact info & newsletter signup on their site.

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The next day.

Okay, so what I didn't say is WHY I'm raving about this book. Two reasons. One is, I haven't seen Jim for several months and miss him, so writing about his book feels like a way to connect. The deeper one is -- this "Nice Guy" strategy totally describes me. I would say most of my work in therapy has been about moving from that "pleasing others" strategy into my authentic self.

That's why I like Jim's essay, "Manhood," so much. In it, he lays out how Nice Guys act, why they do it, and what it gets them -- and doesn't get them. Then he lays out the six ongoing practices that transform this behavior. I think I've got four and a half of them going. But anyway, this essay is like the ur-manuscript. If they make the book from this, it'll be great.